Three depictions from The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible by Pope Gus Rasputin Nishnabotna Sni-A-Bar Freak The First, 1990 A.D.

The God-Biscuit

The God-Biscuit (p6).

“Just then a giant flaming tree sloth ran across the stage carrying a billboard that said ‘I have no eyelids and must lick my own eyeballs to keep them moist. Call for help.’ No one noticed” (Biscuitus 48).

The Eight Primal Vibrations of the Biscuitist Reality Structure

“The Eight Primal Vibrations of the Biscuitist Reality Structure. The God-Biscuit is one of many and the First among Them; though S/He is now All Things, at first S/He was only One. In Hir are the four elements yet S/He is and is not an element. S/He is a spirit yet has a universal body…” (p21).

The Dough Is Risen

“This sentence has you under its control for the moment, because you will continue reading it until it has nothing left to say… This sentence refers to the fact that this sentence refers to itself… This sentence refers to every sentence that does not refer to itself… This sentence is the thought you are currently thinking. If you are not reading this sentence please ignore it, otherwise do not ignore it… This sentence misses the point it was supposed to make, so never mind” (Appendix V: How To Understand Appendix V).

26 Responses to “The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible”

  1. Andrew Clarke Says:

    That made me want to browse through the Principia Discordia again.

  2. Jabba Says:

    When I was young, I had a copy of The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible and a teacher confiscated it and threw it away. Recently, I’ve been searching the internet for another copy to own and if anyone has one for sale, I’m interested.
    Rejoice! The dough is risen!

  3. biggeranium Says:

    Me too! I want one just to see if it was actually as unique and funny as I recall or if I was just young and impressionable. Anyone who has / finds one, let me know?

    P.S. Are you from Missouri? I seem to remember it being a locally published thing.

  4. Greg Pass Says:

    Yes, I grew up in STL. I think I picked up my copy at Vintage Vinyl in the University Loop circa 1990. The Church itself was located in Columbia, MO at the time of publishing (1990).

    It definitely has its moments; though age has made them fewer. :O

  5. miss she Says:

    A friend of mine has a copy…unfortunately, I can’t find one of my own.
    They are listed for sale at,
    but at the moment they’re out of stock. Fortunately, some kind soul posted the entire text (sorry, no illustrations) at

    Hope that helps you searchers.

  6. kent schoch Says:

    The guy who wrote the Biscuit Bible was a guy I knew in the early 90s in a fish factory in Alaska. Does anyone know where he is?


  7. otto loggers Says:

    I found a link of at least the first chapter. I also found a exchange where pope gus may have reared his beautified head. He claims to be living in NYC

    Isn’t Kent Schoch the man convicted of urinating on the floor of the sistine chapel.

  8. mc Says:

    The guy who wrote and drew the biscuit bible was from STL. His first name, was Jason. I believe he is an artist living in NYC now. He lived in Denver, CO for a while and worked at an art gallery. I can’t remember his last name for the life of me. I used to have photocopied copy of the biscuit bible with a bright yellow cover. My dog tore it up about a decade ago in a fit of discord.

  9. mc Says:

    Also, the copy of the biscuit bible that I had predated 1990… had to be from 88 or 89… It was a tract that he just gave out to people (I think he was still in high school), as I remember.

  10. Jason Hoelscher Says:

    I wrote the Biscuit Bible in 1988/89, and early versions (with the yellow cover) were handed out at shows and so on (it grew out of a zine I did in 1986-1987 called Biscuits of Reality). The revised version came out in 1990, with the blue and red cover.

    Anyway, glad to see interest from folks, and hi Kent!

    I’ve recently finished thoroughly revising the Biscuit Bible, getting rid of stuff that no longer worked, polishing up bits here and there and adding tons of new material. The revised version clocks in at 112 pages (as opposed to 48 pages for the 1990 version), with new chapters, new graphics, new appendices and so on. It’ll be out this winter in both soft- and hard-cover, through, Barnes & Noble, Borders, and tons of smaller places too.

    If anybody wants to contact me please feel free to do so at

    Jason aka Pope Gus

    PS: I lived in NYC from 1998 until about three weeks ago (August 1, 2007), when I moved to Savannah, Georgia, where I’m a professor at Savannah College of Art & Design.

  11. Greg Pass Says:

    Jason/Pope Gus —

    Thanks for filling us in — a pleasure to meet the man behind the god.

    Btw, my copy’s weathered the years tucked between Lin Yutang’s The Importance of Living and RAW’s Cosmic Trigger. Don’t get too cocky. :)

    Btw2, saw mention of Chaosmosis on Invisibilia. Any way to get a copy?

  12. Jason Hoelscher Says:

    Hi Greg,

    I’ll see what I can do about Chaosmosis… I don’t think I have any copies left, but half my stuff’s still in boxes so I’ll see if I come across a copy. If not I could email you a .pdf file or somesuch.

    It’s almost unreadably dense and kinda sketchy in spots, but given your interests (at least as shown on your site) you might get into portions of it, as it was an attempt to map the seven days of the chemical marriage of Christian Rosenkreutz onto the seven days leading up to the winter solstice of 2012, the eschatological end-date posited by Terence McKenna et al., divided into three books (Salt, Sulphur & Mercury), which are broken up into five chapters for the five elements (earth, air, fire, water & spirit, and their accompanying representative platonic solids). As you might imagine, such a convoluted construct begins to teeter precipitously… :)

    Blah blah etc.; now that the Biscuit Bible revision is finished I’m contemplating doing a Chaosmosis revision to see if, 15 years later, I can somehow manage to make it readable. But that’ll take a while, so in the meantime I’ll see if I can scrounge up a copy.

    And, er, consider any emergent inklings of cockiness herewith excised, Han Solo. ;)

    BTW: never heard of The Importance of Living… based on some preliminary googling it looks interesting? Is it worth picking up?


  13. Greg Pass Says:

    Jason —

    Chaosmosis: now THAT’s what I call hyperactive hermeticism — can’t wait. :)

    The Importance of Living: rather than esoteric, it is extraordinarily ordinary, e.g., the chapter “on sitting in chairs”. Lin was a modern-day Daoist with a Discordian’s sense of play. I’m sure you’ll love it.

    Trade you for it — C for TIOL? :)

  14. Jason Hoelscher Says:

    Hi Greg,

    Sorry re: the delay in responses… My first semester of teaching starts on Monday and I’ve been hectically busy.

    Anyway… I haven’t had time to locate copy of Chaosmosis yet; I’ll let you know if i come across one. I might end up having to send it to you as a .pdf file.

    I’ve printed out a couple of manuscript copies of the newly-revised Biscuit Bible. Drop me an email with your mailing address if you’d like a copy. It’s the complete version, with graphics in place and everything (it’s basically the finished book, but without the final cover, and it’s stapled rather than properly bound).

    More later when things calm down.

  15. John Cleary Says:

    I bought my copy of the Biscuit Bible at Vintage Vinyl in the U. City Loop in 1991 or 1992, and have read it many times since. I cherish this piece of literature and enjoyed it so much when I was a teenager.

    I’m looking forward to purchasing the expanded edition when it becomes available this winter.

  16. Jason Hoelscher Says:


    The new edition is out now, as of this week, 212 pages in either hardcover or softcover. It’ll be available via Borders,, Barnes & Noble and bookstores nationwide by the end of March, or can be ordered from this site now:

    The Divine Arglebargle website will be up and finished by the end of January:

    Hope all’s well,
    Jason/Pope Gus

  17. Greg Pass Says:

    Jason —

    Sorry, your last comment was stuck in my spam folder; I just now noticed and rescued it.

    Congrats on the new edition!

    Have to admit, the first time you mentioned the impending publication of a full-length Bible, I thought you were joking (a good ol’ Discordian mind-fuck).

    Pleased indeed that I was wrong.

  18. Pete Heyrman Says:

    Hi. I got this nonexistent book by accident. No kidding!
    I’m a ghostwriter, and I do test books through lulu. They sent one with my cover, but the NPBB text, and images, and totally strange… well, y’all know what I mean. Anyway, I guess it was God’s will… or Will’s god… or whatever. So I’m gonna convert, and only eat kosher platypus meat with platypus milk on the side. Anyway, I’m having deja vu all over again, and I sink therefore I am…

  19. Josh Says:

    ZOMG! This is the most greatest of days since the last greatest day which also, coincidentally, involved grilled cheese sandwiches!

    I had a copy of this most holy of texts which I purchased from Salt of the Earth in Columbia, Mo and loathe the day it was ripped (or er, misplaced) from my uneducated hands.

    Now everyone can once again bathe in the glorious light of all that is just this side of sane!

    Thanks for bringing this back to print! Cows are WAY more smarter than humans! Viva la Revolucion!

  20. So Bleats the Nuclear Platypus « Unurthed Says:

    […] images from the second edition (2008) of the Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible by Pope Gus (see previous post for first edition […]

  21. Greg Pass Says:

    Hi all —

    I’ve just posted a new entry on the 2nd edition of the Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible!

  22. Arnie Fagan Says:

    I think all you Biscuit-worshipping religious fanatics got it wrong. The guy who wrote the Biscuit Bible used to paint psychedelic buses in Columbia, Missouri in abou.t 1990. I might even still have one around.

  23. Finally, A Religion I Can Chew « Online Says:

    […] The Nuclear Platypus Biscuit Bible « Unurthed. Share this:MoreLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in Unusual. Bookmark the permalink. […]

  24. Jazzmo Lorswal Ghant Says:

    The BB slithered off the shelf for me and I had to join to feel my feet again. since then we have blown biscuits out of tAPE MACHINE, GUITARS, and other ficticious instruments at rock performances from mid pennsylvania to Irock, Romania. (I am an envoy of King Mikel)

    Recently we began a band called The Regency Elf (anyone guess where that squeaks fromm??

  25. Paul kityamuweesi Says:

    Where and when was it published?

  26. Anonymous Says:

    anyone know what’s happened to the website? I’m not sure where it’s gone…

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